2000...

It's been a really long time since I have taken a pen and a paper in my hand to write. But they say there is a time and place for everything. I guess I was destined to write today. Something made me pen down my thoughts.

If someone were to tell me to run from Mumbai to Dubai a few years back, I would say are u crazy.. Heck if someone would have asked me to run a half marathon few years back I would still looked and said have you lost it!!

Once in while life gives you something amazing. Actually life always give us something amazing, we realise it once in a while. One lovely Sunday morning I realised the power of my soul, the strength of my feet, the magical rhythm of my heart & the tenacity of my mind. 

My running coach, my friend my guide and mentor threw up an amazing statistic. Adidas micoach (my running app) said that I had crossed 2000 Kms of running distance since I started running a few years back. My other trusted friend google whispered to me that 

1. 2000 Kms is more than the distance between Mumbai and Dubai 

2. 2000 Kms is just about the distance between Mumbai to Kolkata

3. 2000 Kms is a few Kms away from the distance between Delhi & chennai

I was oblivious to the music which was blaring in my ears, I was pounding my feet on the roads of Mumbai. My heart was racing not cause I was running fast, cause I remembered a song called 'life is a roller coaster, just gotto ride it'

I had to pen down what these 2000 Kms have taught me and hence I was destined to write about it.

1. People going ahead in life: All these years as I ran along, I saw many people running faster than me. Most times I would want to catch up with them by trying to chase them. As I ran faster to match them thinking that I was a good runner I would lose my breath and be left behind. In the process I would lose focus of my own goal. The days when I let go such runners and the temptation to race them, I would find out that most of these runners would either run for very short distances and tire out or I would be ahead of them after a certain while.  Many a times we hear that someone has bought a new house , car or travelled the world and we let that someone's achievements determine our self worth. Actually life is not a race and even if it is, it's only with yourself. 

2. Friends: Running is a lonely sport and that's why I love it. But as I ran over the years I saw many familiar faces every morning. And though I never smiled back at them, in my heart I had become friends with them and was used to seeing them run. But as years passed by many familiar faces faded away and I saw new faces. Each time the familiar faces stopped coming I used to wonder what must have happened to the person. Did he get married, move out of town? What's his story. Running taught me that all of us have our own story and we gotto accept the other person's story even if they disappear. 

3. My biggest enemy: Most people ask me that don't you just get bored of running alone. And to their surprise I say "Yes". The truth is that running is the most boring thing ever invented. And so is anything you do over and over again (overall life) unless you inspire yourself.  So I started inspiring myself each day to run (live life). I took some famous scenes from rocky 1,2,3,4 , kungfu panda and many such movies and started listening to all the inspiration I could.  Something inspiring  I want to share that I listen to "A lot of people become comfortable, they stop growing, stop wanting anything out of life. People getting ready to go to jobs they don't like, jobs that make them sick. You see when you don't pursue your goals you commit spiritual suicide. When the messenger of mystery visits you what are you going to do? What will keep you in the game of life? What is that one that you looked at and felt you couldn't do it, that you talked yourself out of it? What reason can you remember that you can call on, that you reach ? The question now is what are you going to do with your time. Greatness is lot of small things done well, day after day, workout after workout, obedience after obedience. There are 86400 seconds in a day and how you use them today is critical.  When you die, leave no dream, leave no opportunity left, accomplish every single thing. I have realised that the biggest enemy that you have to deal with is yourself and your own mind!! As soon as I conquered this enemy within the enemy outside disappeared. Suddenly  each run ( living day) becomes so much more interesting:)

4. Pain: In the past few years I never got injured. But recently I sustained a small injury and that taught me few things. I have broken it down futhrer

A. When life goes well you take it for granted and you don't bless it.  You rather complain about everything.  But when I got injured and I couldn't even walk I realised that I was taking my body and my runs for granted. I was taking life for granted. As I sat frustrated not being able to walk I realised how I would complain in the days when I could run freely. 

B. My road to recovery was slow and painful. During those times I started questioning if I could run again. I remember what Rocky Balboa said to his son - " the world ain't all sunshine & rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit back, it about how hard you get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward".  Pain also made me remember a wonderful story. "What is wrong, Your Highness?" – asked one of the wise men.

"I’m confused," replied the king. "At times I am overcome by melancholy, and feel powerless to fulfill my duties. At others, I am dizzy with all power I have. I’d like a talisman to help me be at peace with myself." The wise men – surprised by such a request – spent long months in discussion. In the end, they went to the king with a gift. "We have engraved magic words on the talisman. Read them out loud whenever you are too confident, or very sad," they said. The king looked at the object he had ordered. It was a simple silver and gold ring, but with an inscription:

"This shall also pass away"

C. If you are not where you are, if you are not where you want to be, stop blaming everyone else. Stop running from your pains in life. Embrace your pain and allow your pain to push to you from where you are. Pain eventually is going to be a part of the prize.

5. Give life one more chance: I heard a story about a budding cricketer. He scored just 65 runs in a series and was a complete failure & ready to give up cricket since he never thought he could be the best.  He loved cricket so much that he was appalled at his own talent and filled with thought of failure. His coach and his team realising that he was very talented,  persuaded him to play one more year. Just one more year. So he decided to give life one more chance. He gave life all he had in the second chance and he scored record runs. I heard this player on radio and realised that one needs to give life one more chance sometimes, just one more. Just one more run, just one more day success may be just just around that last corner..

Phewwww heavy stuff, I guess. But the experience of 2000 Kms of running was brewing in my mind like a cup of coffee.. This article brewed in mind till it made me crazy enough to write down.

I again go to my trusted friend google and ask him for the following distances

1. Mumbai to Seattle

2. Mumbai to Singapore

3. Mumbai to London

4. Trips to the moon (why not? Currently at 0.002)

5  Trips around the World ( currently at 0.015) 

I then look at my coach & shoes & smile....wondering what's in store...waiting for my inspiration and two happy feet to carry me across slowly. 

My music player whispers to me ask tie my show laces " You don't pick average people to be phenomenal, you don't pick good people to be phenomenal, you just are phenomenal and you attract phenomenal" 

Waiting to run a few more runs to be able to tell another tale...

 

 

                                         

We lived in the times of Sachin Tendulkar.....

I haven’t stopped crying since sachin has retired....Many people have written and spoken about sachin.... and Iam just a mere drop in the ocean.....pouring my feelings on paper....

The announcement had come in early.. Sachin was going to retire. The media was full of news on how the little master was going to call it a day. I thought to myself well, we dont need sachin anymore.. The team does well even without him. Gone are the days when we switched of the television when sachin got out. B

ut I was wrong.. What followed was something I never expected...

When sachin was 24 and playing the superb Desert Storm inning a commentator said that if this guy is playing like this at 24 what will he be like when he is 27.. I thought to myself at that time that may sachin never retire. 

But here I was, ok with the whole thought of the master blaster calling it a day..I had seen enough of him.. In the last few years one rarely got to see the sachin of the past. In fact in the last few years the entire media ,everyone who knew remotely about cricket wanted him to retire. The thing is we love to make hero’s and we love to make them fall... we love the drama I thought to myself as I saw the advts of Sachin’s last test match. We take our hero’s for granted...but it soon dawned upon me how our hero had never taken anything for granted not even his talent...

As the D day dawned,  West indies were put into bat and they folded up by lunch. Post lunch India came on to bat. I thought to myself that I have two tickets and I will go tomorrow when sachin comes on day two.  To everyones surprise Sachin came on to bat on day 1 and like everyone we rushed to the nearest TV set to get a glimpse. I was thinking to myself, mebbe he will get a 20 to 30 odd...To everyone’s surprise here was vintage sachin playing like the old times.. and i was once again bitting my lips, hoping he never gets out. Those cracking cover drives, the backfoot drive was all back.. It looked like sachin was determined to enjoy his last game.. The day ended with sachin on 38 not out and I thought to myself lets go and watch him at the ground.. And suddenly a thought came.. 

The best tribute to sachin would be if I watched him play and then switched it off when he got out. Just like the old times.. So I asked my boss for a leave and sat home to watch sachin bat..The thing about the small guy was he raised his game to a different level when the crowds watched him.. He loves the egging of the crowd and what we call pressure is actually an environment he loves to play in.. he scored a strokefull 74 and got out. Yet another century missed.. I switched off my TV as decided and what followed was something I still cant comprehend.. I wanted him to come and bat once more in the second innings. I wanted India to fold up easily and WI to score some runs so sachin could bat again. That was not to be....

The saturday morning I put on my tv and the match was almost getting over. Suddenly I couldn’t watch tendulkar retiree...I wanted more... It felt that he had been a part of the only sport I knew for 24 years.. and maybe in the last few years we had taken him for granted..I had tears in my eyes as he gave his farewell speech..

A generation of youngsters used to imitate him and so did I. I used to wear the same blue colour adidas t shirt and wear the steel wrist band like him.... Whom do we follow now??

As he spoke I realised why this man was not only a great batsman but the god of cricket... Maybe he had decoded his life at a very early age and hence was more successful than anyone else. While speaking Tendulkar spoke about his dad told him to follow his heart but ‘Never Take Shortcuts’...I thought to myself this was so simple and yet so well demonstrated by Tendulkar.. In a country where people take shortcuts to everything right from the Traffic Signal to throwing garbage outside the bin... here is an Indian who never took any shortcut.. In fact he reminded us that great ability is of no use unless you harness it fully with lots of grit, determination and amazing amount of discipline.. Most Indians have a higher IQ than Americans but just cant resist taking shortcuts to everything.. Here was someone who stood up taller than 5.6 feet through his sheer ability to go on in the marathon of cricket.. His greatness was not his talent...nor his cricket.. for me it was his discipline and rigour and love for the game and country.. He never took anything for granted..

Here was one guy who changed the belief of the entire nation by just wading his bat...A belief that we are the best...An entire generation has to thank this small guy for showing us this belief and putting India distinctly on the world map..

 Here was one guy who thanked everyone and who was full of gratitude for his life and cricket.. Most Indians blame our country for everything wrong..Here was a man who was living gratitude.. and even thanked the BCCI and the politics.. How many of us could live in gratitude....and yet in his final moments the guy choked but thanked everyone..

As the flag waved in the background I felt proud to be an Indian, proud to be from a country where tendulkar came from.... I cried in my heart and soul as tendulkar was carried on the shoulders of MS and Virat.. I just couldn’t stop my emotions... I wanted to cry with tendulkar...

It was evening and I couldn’t stop thinking what Tendulkar would be doing now.. So me and Nitya decided to go to bandra.. and we just decided to go to tendulkars new home... I dint know why but i wanted to see his house.. We searched on google found his house and after asking a few people passed by his house in our car... I felt a sense of relief just passing by his house..It was stupid and strange but I wanted to be around him and this was my way of being around him..

Sunday morning I was again engulfed with the same emotions.. News reporters started calling him former cricketer by now.. 

Its Sunday evening and here I am still sobbing from within..24 years have passed by and I am left wondering that good things in life pass by in a flash.... Why did I not see every match.. why did i not follow him when he was struggling in his last years... Why did I take sachin for granted? Did I not know it was going to end one day?

I felt I have a strange connect with sachin. I have prayed for him followed him and loved him from my hearttt...Been superstitious enough to not watch him least he gets out... But now it was time for me to say goodbyeee..I cant go back in time....

Goodbyee sachin and I promise you I will never take shortcuts in whatever I choose to do......I will walk the path you showed us on the 22 yards..

Goodbye for I promise you that I will enjoy life like never before..so that when once in a lifetime when a miracle like you comes my way... I will enjoy those moments and other moments of life  sooo soo deeply without regrettttt. I wont take lifeee and its moments for granted...

Thank you sachin for showing us all that if we look within us there is a sachin in all of us and despite the hardships we face, through discipline, self belief and rigour we can win over the cup of life..

Thank you sachinnnn... cause we are filled with gratitude that we are Indians...and we live to tell that an Indian batted like GOD, lived like GOD and spoke like GOD....and  till our last breath we shall say sachinnnn sachinn....... 

Moment of Miracle!

It was a late Friday evening and I was walking back to my car after a hectic day. I was smiling about something special. I was remembering this special song from the movie lakshya..

Himaaat so jo koi chaleee, dhartii hile kadmo tale, kya duuriyan kya fasle, manzil laage aaake gaaalee......Since the release of the movie lakshya I have been listening to this song every single day. 

I even remember Hrithiks face full of determination  and whether I am jogging or working it stays with me. It plays on ipod while running and car stereo while driving to work..

Its amazing how time flies by... I remember, I had this dream of working in an automobile company and how I walked in for my interview.  Tensed with sweaty hands and I couldn’t believe that I had the job.

11 months had gone by with a lot of sweat and toil and here I was the most awarded and appreciated member of the marketing team. One accelerator award within 6 months before confirmation and another before a completion of the year! 

How did this all happen..I was struggling at work when i joined, putting in extra hours.. none of my goals were getting completed. I was hitting road blocks all the time..Colleagues weren’t cooperating, and achieving what I had set to do, seemed like a distant dream. I thought to myself mid year and there goes Anand again struggling in his new job.  The auto dream was almost crumbling.. but the last few months from 2013 turned out amazing.. things started moving at work and work started happening.. Before I knew it  something changed, something moved and I was at my destination.. just like what the song says ‘Manzil laage aake gaale’

I couldn’t believe myself.... but  when I look back a few experiences in life taught me a lot and helped me in this new journey...Sports helps us understand life better.. Some people say about sports that its just a game or its just a run.. but its not just a game or its not just a run...  Sports is very similar to life and hence one can draw parallels. Just like its not just a day in our life. Each run, each day each weekend counts. By the time I spend 2500 weekends I would be 50 and half my life would be over..

My running taught me that running and life are all about attitude and effort... you need to give life a 100% and most importantly not worry about the distances... Just keep your head down and look at your feet...Dont worry about the things you cant control its a waste of time...

As each day passed at my new workplace, I also listened to this wonderful track on you tube about attitude.. Its about a how a young guy asks a Guru about he could be as successful as the guru. The guru asks him to meet him at the beach next morning and takes him inside the water.. The guru asks the young guy to put his head in the water and almost drowns him..He then asks the young guy what was the only thought when you were in water and the young guy says I wanted to breathe....The guru says when you want success as bad as u want to breathe than u will be successful. You wont care about any parties, games or any movies..

So is life.. its about how bad u want it...But inspite of all of the above the goal looks elusive. Just like in sports and in running in life too you need a miracle..When you start giving it your all, the goal suddenly starts becoming more and more elusive..It seems tougher and tougher with each step. Each day becomes a conflict between the right way and the easy way..The thing is you are headed upstream and the voice you have chosen is one of defiance..With each step comes a decision to take another..And when you make that decision suddenly one day miraculously the goal comes closer to you just at the last minute after you have given it your all and you cant give anymore. Its as if the universe wants to test your persistence to the goal and the idea you believe in..So just make sure that the goal is something you really want! 

The miracle to hit the last ball six or the miracle when your muscles are aching and cramping and you still run your best timing at the last minute. We dont know how it happens but its just happens..How do we get the strength?  Some may call it plain luck and some may call it just hardwork. But I believe in a miracle..It needs a miracle to complete a project at work when all the odds are stacked against you and your backs on the wall.

On that day when I walked back to my car humming the song, I knew the Miracle in my life...All the effort and the attitude helps but its the small miracles in your life which help you cross the line just in time when it seemed like you would not make it. 

I like to believe that what they show in movies is true.. When Aamir needs a last ball six from the movie in lagan he closes his eyes and prays even as the bowler runs towards him, somewhere knowing that it may be not possible but he prays for a miracle. He thinks about all the people close to him...

I believe this job in Mahindra came as a gift and a blessing to me from Nitya’s mom. All through her life she worked very hard without expecting anything in return and I would like to imbibe the same. She inspired me through her attitude and deeply touched me with her actions. She worked hard not because she had to do it but it was out of love. Her little miracles had saved me many a times at work..

As I walked to my car I looked at the sky with gratitude and smiled for the little miracles which made the jobs at work easier..Its when I least expected things moved...I had experienced a Moment of Miracle in my life that night.

On her birthday I thank her for all the little miracles... 

So the next time we are out early and we catch a glimpse of a athlete running wet with sweat deprived of breath,  and he cant run any further. Or a colleague working very hard trying as a determined force to achieve something at work.  Both mentally driving their body beyond pain, fatigue and beyond reason to the point of exhaustion. How far they will push themselves when no one is watching them is really the essence.  But at that moment take a pause, look closer and feel fortunate that we may just get to see that someone experience their moment of Miracle!

Hitler went to heaven?

The year 2011 is over and when I look back at it I wonder how was the year for me…I sometimes wonder what if I die right now? What would happen to me?  Would I be happy with my life turned out for me?  

On the night of 31^st December as I looked at the sky, I was imagining my grandparents up in the sky looking down at me. My first reaction was that they were lovingly smiling back at me. But then I also kinda felt were the judging me on how my life was going about!

Were they gonna welcome me in heaven when I would die? Would I embrace them in heaven or would I be condemned to hell forever!! Had I done enough in life to make it to heaven?

The next question that popped in my head was what happens to us when we die? Who decides whether one goes to heaven or hell? Most of us are so scared of dying that we rather not ask this question to ourselves! But somehow I have been asking myself this question ‘Did Hitler got to hell? And where did Gandhi go to? Heaven most of us would presume! But why should Hitler go to hell? Millions supported him and approved of him just like Gandhi.. He dint know he was doing wrong!!

The next question then comes to my mind is that what kind of neurotic god created this world. Why does he sit in our judgement on top watching all the fun? Does he decide between heaven and hell? If he wanted all of us to go to heaven why he did he create multiple choices. He could have just created a world where people did good deeds and went to heaven? If God is gonna JUDGE people then his job is more interesting than some reality show contest judge!!!

I wonder how does God make these judgments’. As time change human value systems also change. Take the example of Sati. Morals and value systems even change after a few kms!! Prostitution is legal in many countries.. Everything looked at in a perspective could be proved right. While one is condemned as a terrorist in one country, the neighboring country calls him freedom fighter. Life is full of black and white and most importantly life is full of grey..Its how one looks at the grey shades of life and perceives them. This made me wonder that if we follow the lives of prophets and GOD sent messengers we could perhaps find the right way to the staircase of heaven with lovely angels around us just like the ones in axe effect;)

But even THEY CANT AGREE upon a single path to lives complex problems..Krishna advocated war to the Pandavs to get the back their lost kingdom while Jesus Christ preferred to get himself crucified and show us the way to the kingdom of heaven! Which God was right? Whose path was correct? I guess even gods cant choose the right way so where does it leave a mere mortal like you and me…Instantly I was overjoyed with this feeling that nothing is wrong or right in life J Anything you do will be fine… Naaah that’s not the answer we all are looking for? Are we? Am not for sure

When I dwell bit deeper I realize that its only humans that have this inert need to judge..right from childhood. It starts with marks in school, to how much money one makes to how fat we are! We judge every minute every moment of our and others lives. When I drive to work I judge everyone…if someone drives faster than me then he is a rash driver and if someone is slower I honk him to death.. Nobody is as good as me is a feeling we have most times and we judge everyone morally. Honestly I am tired of this judgment business.. Its like my life is a reality show..Gods the main judge but you have the public voting for you. The more you confirm to their idea of life you get more votes and win this game called life. Parents, teachers, friends, relatives.. you need all the votes to survive here..

 And through this idea of ourselves we have manifested this idea of a judgemental God! I don’t know where Hitler or Gandhi went…I dunno if Krishna and Jesus choose the right path, but I know that they were at peace with the decisions they made..They simply did what they perceived right and were at peace with both their actions and the results.. They did not judge but were judged by many for years.. The irony is that while they were at peace wars were fought in their name ;)  all in the name of the holy god….

Coming back to..how will I die? What will happen to me when I die? Will be happy with my life? I dunno? Will my life get bogged down by own judgement and that of the ones around? Will God judge me? Will I go to heaven or hell? Most importantly will the Axe perfume like angels greet me in heaven?

They say when you die all your wishes come true.. Your entire life flashes in front of you.. You can relive your best moments again and again..

As I stood on the terrace that 31^st night I heard this song from ZNMD play ‘Der lagi lekin’ ab maine jeena sekh liyaa….I started pondering on a particular line which said ‘Zindagi do rangon se bani’…

While humming the song, I imagined myself to be running the Mumbai marathon….mebbe one last time..i saw myself giving a high five to all my friends, relatives and people closest to me.. it’s the finish line but I am not tired.. I am approaching something new…. I know I am saying a bye to all of them for the one last time….As I approach the finish line I run even faster.. not because I want to finish the marathon but because I am eager to hug someone.. I cross the line and as I do that I face a bright white light..all over me.. I run closer to it.. I am at peace as this white light engulfs me slowly.. I look at my hands and I feel I am slowly melting into something.. mebbe becoming one with someone.. there is no judgement or any questions.. its as if I have returning back to my original form.. its as if nature/god/ universe etc.. they are embracing me.. I am slowly loosing my individual mind and consciousness and feeling very light and happy…I am assured that ‘Both Hitler and the Gandhi’ in me are being accepted. Its as if the black and white in me merges into something….There is no judgement day..I  dissolve into the all pervasive omnipotent ONE….

The Man with the banner of love!

Monday morning... Like every other monday, i was forever rushing to office. It took me a lot of mental energy to wake up from my weekend dream and get ready for the reality ahead.  As i was driving i was thinking of all the work i had kept pending on the friday for the monday. I was thinking about my boss who was gonna be tough on me for not completing some assignments..But most of all i was thinking of the bad traffic which lay ahead of me at Juhu road.

Each time i went through this traffic situation in life i would exhibit similar patterns with no signs of improvement whatsoever. As the traiffic increased i started to curse myself for not sleeping early, for not being disciplined, for reading the newspaper too long and so on. Once i was done with blaming my own self for the situation, i would start blaming the world for my problems. 

The traffic was getting to me and i started honking louder and louder to the cars ahead of me. The thing with the driving is that there is no perfect driver other than you. If they drive faster than you then they are rash and if they drive slower than you then they are blocking you ;) I was so angry and frustrated that i wanted to bang my car against some rick or truck. I wish this was a video game and i could get ahead on the road by banging everyone in my way.

Just as i was passing the juhu circle i happened to observe a man with a placard. He was dressed very simply in white clothes. He had a big smile on his face and was holding a placard with a simple message. A message to love all. A message to respect all religions and love every individual from every religion. 

I started thinking why would this man stand here at this junction to give such a message. Why would someone wanna be swarmed with cars and want to give this message? What was his motivation? What did he gain out of it? Why would he do that when no body cared. Was there a deeper message than what it seemed like? Was god trying to tell me something through him? Was i not listening enough? What could this mean for all of us? Or was it just some insane man thinking that he could spread peace by simply standing at the signal with a banner of love.Does he not earn any money? Has someone paid him for all this?

In that moment i couldnt help comparing my situation to him? Why was i going to office. What did i get by working? What was my purpose in life? Why do i sit in front of a pc all day and work? Do i really love my job? Is the MBA degree all worth it? Where am i moving in life? Am i like this man with the banner and 'life just happening' around me like the cars passing by around him? A million questions popped up every second just like the cars ahead of me ...

But now i dint care of the cars and traffic.I started to slow down.. the traffic dint matter now, nor the meetings and the senseless presentations i made. i started thinking that here is a man who diligently came every morning and quietly, without any expectations went about with his purpose of life. Was that good or bad? Who knows.. but he had a smile on his face. he was effortless in his expressions...he had clarity in his thoughts and most of all he had a very strong belief in what he was doing? There was not an iota of doubt in his mind that that he would make a difference to atleast of on of the passengers traveling in the sea of cars around him. Most of all he seemed happy with what he was doing on a monday morning:):) 

I waved my hand to him as i passed him acknowledging the fact that i got his simple message. In my on going journey to happiness i had unraveled a small secret. I could feel myself smile as if someone had told me a little secret in my ears. I could feel my smile reach my eyes!!  From that day on i have started leaving on time, i honked lesser and i try to focus on the task or person rather than the result. I am learning to find my own meaning and purpose to the things i do in life and align them with my larger goals. I am trying to find simple pleasures of life rather than worrying about senseless things like money, career, weight etc.

 "Sabse Prem Karo" -The man with the banner has taught me that you need to add love in everything you do rather than finding things that you would love to do....be it people, career, hobbies or life overall....We don't need to do anything to find love but only realize that we are loving....

Why do i run?

 2008: First over of the AFL cup final match and my batting partner calls me for a quick single. We look into each other’s eyes and just nod our heads. As I run to the danger end my heart knows am not going to make it. As my mind pictures me getting run out, life enacts my thoughts perfectly. I am run out once again..... As I walked back to the dressing room in frustration, I got memories of me never being a good runner in school. School, college, dating, job interviews I always felt I just wasn’t making it. Life was ‘running me out’ on numerous occasions. To the outside world these missed opportunities dint seem to matter much and looked trivial. 

To me they mattered a lot. I was an amazing sportsman and I loved sports but I just couldn’t run as well. Seemed like I wanted to play every sport but dint wanna run...irony of its sorts. So was the same in life. I wanted to live life well and I wanted to be at the right time and right place in life doing the right things. But I wasn’t running hard in life too. Every wasted opportunity in life felt like walking back to the crease run out once again. 

But in January 2009, I ran the 21 kms Mumbai marathon in 2.38 hrs and since then I have been running 

It all started with a trivial office joke. My office colleagues were making fun of me getting running out in every single cricket match and how I would run in slow motion during the Mumbai marathon if I took part in it. What should have been just ignored as a stupid joke was taken up too seriously by me. I decided I had to run and prove a point!! What the heck, people who had never played any sport in their life wanted to tease the hell out of me. 

For months I practised hard and ran well. Rain, heat & cold I ran every single day across marine drive. Sometimes just jogged alone at marine drive while it poured heavily. With all the practise, the marathon wasn’t a difficult one for me.  I ran well and finished well within the time to silence my colleagues. 

What next? Why did I still wanna run? I had proved my point. Now why did I want to run? Why wake up at 6 am and run? Which fool does that? And I wasn’t even a good runner? Why the fuck did I have to run?? I just couldn’t stop now and I dint know the reason…

Like Master Oogway says “One often meets his destiny on the road he avoids to take”  At the age of 30, I had allowed all my passions to drift away. One after the other they left me like old buddies. Each time something felt good in life it just vanished very quickly. But as my old buddies left me, I was embracing a very old enemy.  

As I ran everyday out of mere habit, I realised that my old enemy and my now my new friend was taking me to a place I loved. I called this secret place of ours ‘THE ZONE’. I loved visiting this new place. Every sportsman whether an amateur like me or pro can tell you what ‘The Zone’ is. ‘The Zone’ is a feeling when everything around the sportsman stops. Time stands still. The sportsman can’t listen to the crowd. All he can see is the ball being hurled at him and he just wants to hit the ball to the best of his ability. Then there is no winning or loosing. No completion or its prize money. No past No future. No records and no statistics. And even though you don’t care about wining or loosing, when you are in the zone records are built, centuries are made and grand slams are won. 

You get a feeling that this is it. You wanna stand and tell everyone I have been there. This is The Zone, this is where I am meant to be. I don’t want anything else. I am in The Zone and before you can even witness it yourself it’s gone. And you don’t know when it is coming back. 

If you look or search for it, it evades you like a butterfly. But if you just don’t chase it visits you sometimes and stays with you for a brief moment. So do I run to go to this happy place called Zone. Nahhh!! It just comes and goes. I can’t chase it. I am led there by someone…

So I ask myself once again why do I run?   I run for various reasons and most of them are revealed to me only in the morning when I start taking a few steps.

I run sometimes out of love for family and friends wishing them great things, sometime out anger of all the people who rejected me and sometimes out of fear about what’s going to happen next to me in life. Many times I am in office and frustrated and I just wanna put my sneakers on and run cause I wanna run away from life… Run away to a friend, to GOD to someone who can help…I just wanna run away from everything…

As Jackie Chan says in the movie Karate Kid “When life knocks you down. You can choose whether to get back up”. When I feel like running away from the world ‘Running’ stops me from running away. 

I run silently with myself hearing only my breath around me. I can’t feel anything else, not even my thoughts. And as I run my friend starts to cheer me up. Slowly, I feel I can outrun even the wind. I can just keep running and I need no purpose to run. I just wanna run cause I am on a song. I am the artist and I am the song itself. It’s all flowing through me to me. I take the perfect steps while running and see my self as an athlete.

All the fears disappear and my mind is crystal clear. Its as if someone has just removed all the filth and dirt. I feel that my pursuit for happiness has just ended!! 

And yet the pursuit begins all over again when I get back to my day to day life. Life throws back something once again..

The movie, Kung fu Panda 2, tells us that to find Inner Peace, one can meditate for 50 years up a beautiful mountain with waterfalls and caves (being one with nature)... or chance upon that realisation by being still in the mind through something you love ( in Po’s case its kung fu). Po discovers that one needs to go with the flow of life and let the emotions flow through him

To be still I need to run!!!!!! Running has become my source of insight. I need to move through time and distance to remain still!! Running helps me go with the flow of life and accept things peacefully.

As I chance upon this realisation I run while listening to my favourite song ‘I get knocked down but I get up again’.  It’s when the hero of my little story feels he can go any distance....and he wont be RUN OUT..

Its Raining Love...

When i woke up today morning, i saw the rains pouring down. I was a bit angry at the rain gods. Why does it have to pour only when i go for a jog? Why does life deny you the small pleasure of running without any disturbances early in the morning. All i wanted was some nice music and an easy jog with some pleasant weather for a change.

With this bit of anger in my mind i reluctantly walked towards the park hoping the rain would stop. As i reached the park i was getting irritated that it was raining all over. i dint even have my mp3 player for the fear of it getting wet. It was as if nature was telling me that u run in the summer & winter. Now lets see if u can survive the rains..I was being mocked by nature today and it felt as if it was saying go ahead run in the rains and look stupid....Run alone in the park in the stupid rains..Someone was mocking my very idea of running today

So instead of starting with my usual light warm up walk i started running. I thought to myself lets see who stops first, the rains or my run. I will run until the rains stop or rather until nature gives into me.

As i ran, the rains poured even harder and faster. The wind blew away trees and branches and i was getting angrier and i started running faster. The rain drops splashed on my body hard. I was slipping sometimes and wasnt getting a grip...Fuck what the hell i said...u bastard...

It was NATURE vs. ME...My Ego vs. natures fury and power. My desire to train and natures desire to just pour that day..

And then the most amazing thing happened.. i realised that i wasnt running faster or harder not because of anger or fury but because of these very rains...I was actually enjoying the rain falling on me. What was happening to me..Why was i loving the feeling of running in the rains...And sometimes a sense of realization hits u. Something so simple and obvious had eluded me...

I felt as if the universe was thanking me for my very existence and was giving out tears of joy all over me...the ones u get when you hug somone u really love...Nature was telling me that i love u so much and was wrapping me with the wind and rains all over my body..It was as if the universe said i want u to run dear but i also wanna wrap u with something physical so that u can understand my love for u through a physical action or experience.

With this realisation the battle ended and the first drop of tear rolled down my eyes merging with the rain water....i could feel my ego dilute into something sublime, as if the rain water had washed it all all away...i felt as powerful as the winds and as the rains..As if the God / Universe was saying to me thank u...for without your existence how would I ever get to experience the emotion of loving u..

Its through this very separation we discovered love for each other..and yet we both wanted to merge into one...For one last time the rains splashed on me hard and the wind blew all over me and then it all stopped as if nothing happened.

I was just left speechless with this experience...How do i describe and to whom do i tell...smile and tears both together all at once..All of it happened in one moment, all of it was already happening, and all of it will happen....Past, present and future had come together...

I dint end counting how much i ran today but i guess i ran 5 kms in 30 mins....It dint matter how much i ran today or in how much time...Next one my mind was WHY DO I RUN???