The year 2011 is over and when I look back at it I wonder how was the year for me…I sometimes wonder what if I die right now? What would happen to me? Would I be happy with my life turned out for me?
On the night of 31st December as I looked at the sky, I was imagining my grandparents up in the sky looking down at me. My first reaction was that they were lovingly smiling back at me. But then I also kinda felt were the judging me on how my life was going about!
Were they gonna welcome me in heaven when I would die? Would I embrace them in heaven or would I be condemned to hell forever!! Had I done enough in life to make it to heaven?
The next question that popped in my head was what happens to us when we die? Who decides whether one goes to heaven or hell? Most of us are so scared of dying that we rather not ask this question to ourselves! But somehow I have been asking myself this question ‘Did Hitler got to hell? And where did Gandhi go to? Heaven most of us would presume! But why should Hitler go to hell? Millions supported him and approved of him just like Gandhi.. He dint know he was doing wrong!!
The next question then comes to my mind is that what kind of neurotic god created this world. Why does he sit in our judgement on top watching all the fun? Does he decide between heaven and hell? If he wanted all of us to go to heaven why he did he create multiple choices. He could have just created a world where people did good deeds and went to heaven? If God is gonna JUDGE people then his job is more interesting than some reality show contest judge!!!
I wonder how does God make these judgments’. As time change human value systems also change. Take the example of Sati. Morals and value systems even change after a few kms!! Prostitution is legal in many countries.. Everything looked at in a perspective could be proved right. While one is condemned as a terrorist in one country, the neighboring country calls him freedom fighter. Life is full of black and white and most importantly life is full of grey..Its how one looks at the grey shades of life and perceives them. This made me wonder that if we follow the lives of prophets and GOD sent messengers we could perhaps find the right way to the staircase of heaven with lovely angels around us just like the ones in axe effect;)
But even THEY CANT AGREE upon a single path to lives complex problems..Krishna advocated war to the Pandavs to get the back their lost kingdom while Jesus Christ preferred to get himself crucified and show us the way to the kingdom of heaven! Which God was right? Whose path was correct? I guess even gods cant choose the right way so where does it leave a mere mortal like you and me…Instantly I was overjoyed with this feeling that nothing is wrong or right in life J Anything you do will be fine… Naaah that’s not the answer we all are looking for? Are we? Am not for sure
When I dwell bit deeper I realize that its only humans that have this inert need to judge..right from childhood. It starts with marks in school, to how much money one makes to how fat we are! We judge every minute every moment of our and others lives. When I drive to work I judge everyone…if someone drives faster than me then he is a rash driver and if someone is slower I honk him to death.. Nobody is as good as me is a feeling we have most times and we judge everyone morally. Honestly I am tired of this judgment business.. Its like my life is a reality show..Gods the main judge but you have the public voting for you. The more you confirm to their idea of life you get more votes and win this game called life. Parents, teachers, friends, relatives.. you need all the votes to survive here..
And through this idea of ourselves we have manifested this idea of a judgemental God! I don’t know where Hitler or Gandhi went…I dunno if Krishna and Jesus choose the right path, but I know that they were at peace with the decisions they made..They simply did what they perceived right and were at peace with both their actions and the results.. They did not judge but were judged by many for years.. The irony is that while they were at peace wars were fought in their name ;) all in the name of the holy god….
Coming back to..how will I die? What will happen to me when I die? Will be happy with my life? I dunno? Will my life get bogged down by own judgement and that of the ones around? Will God judge me? Will I go to heaven or hell? Most importantly will the Axe perfume like angels greet me in heaven?
They say when you die all your wishes come true.. Your entire life flashes in front of you.. You can relive your best moments again and again..
As I stood on the terrace that 31st night I heard this song from ZNMD play ‘Der lagi lekin’ ab maine
While humming the song, I imagined myself to be running the Mumbai marathon….mebbe one last time..i saw myself giving a high five to all my friends, relatives and people closest to me.. it’s the finish line but I am not tired.. I am approaching something new…. I know I am saying a bye to all of them for the one last time….As I approach the finish line I run even faster.. not because I want to finish the marathon but because I am eager to hug someone.. I cross the line and as I do that I face a bright white light..all over me.. I run closer to it.. I am at peace as this white light engulfs me slowly.. I look at my hands and I feel I am slowly melting into something.. mebbe becoming one with someone.. there is no judgement or any questions.. its as if I have returning back to my original form.. its as if nature/god/ universe etc.. they are embracing me.. I am slowly loosing my individual mind and consciousness and feeling very light and happy…I am assured that ‘Both Hitler and the Gandhi’ in me are being accepted. Its as if the black and white in me merges into something….There is no judgement day..I dissolve into the all pervasive omnipotent ONE….
